"Consciously choosing engages your will as well as your mind and heart. It brings you into the center of our own existence where you can feel in charge. Consciously choosing also means that you are becoming a more skilled observer of your own life. Again, this doesn't invite cold detachment. It does support a greater sense of inner stability, openness, and freedom." Stephanie Dorwrick
This reminds me to be mindful of all that is going on around me. It calls to me to pay attention to what is important and to what is going on around me. There is a tendency to go unconsciousness when the pressure gets too much or there is not enough going on.
These last several days have been very painful for me and I had a tendency to go unconscious because I didn't want to face what happened or how I was dealing with the situation. We were in Phoenix last week where I officiated at a wedding of the daughter of one of my best friends when I first moved to California right after high school. Danny and I were roommates and we managed to stay in touch with each other through the years. She got married and moved to Portland, OR. I got married and moved to San Jose, CA. She moved back to southern California and again we got in touch. I officiated at the wedding of her son, her remarriage and then the memorial for her years later. During this time, her daughter said that she wanted me to marry her when the time came. I agreed.
That time was last Friday. Her brother walked her down the aisle and gave her away. She was so incredibly beautiful and I knew her mother was there with us in spirit because we both cried with happiness. Several hours later, her brother died of natural causes in his hotel room. His 9 or 10 year old daughter, who traveled with him from Ohio, was with him and discovered him the next morning.
We were driving home to Oklahoma when we got the news and I went numb. I could not process the information because...because...I don't really know. I guess I didn't want to accept the situation. I went unconscious.
The most incredible thing out of all of this is that his company flew the company jet to California to pick up his in-laws, flew to Phoenix, to pick up the daughter and then home to Ohio. I tracked down the company phone number and called them to tell them how much I appreciated their consideration and good will.
I realized that the way to process transitions is to talk, talk, talk. The more I talked, the better I felt. I can accept his death now, bless him on his journey, send comforting thoughts to the family and proclaim peace and calm and comfort to all.
Life can be short, appreciate all you have and the loved ones you have around you far and near. Be blessed.
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