Mid-Year Reflections

Since it is already mid-July, it is hard for me to realize that my life has had some huge changes since the first of the year.  While going through some times of my life, life seemed endless.  I was overweight, in a job I no longer loved, and a widow – alone!  This life was very uncomfortable for me.

After some careful consideration, thinking, planning, and general contemplation, I set up my intentions for myself.  At this time of my life, I have released 30 pounds, retired – however, temporarily, and am in a new marriage with three step furbies – puppies.  

When I look back on the changes, I am amazed at how quickly the changes occurred. 

Now, again, changes are happening.  What I keep telling myself is that this my life and that I need to figure out how to appreciate more of what it is that is going on instead of rushing through it, wanting it to slow down, or complete some project, or just flat give me more time to do what it is that I enjoy doing. 

This is mid-year…time to think about my life again and see what changes need to be made in the next six months.  Some wise sage once said, “take the time to listen to what your life is saying.”  When things are buzzing around, how does one do that?  I can barely get into the bathroom without four or five puppies wanting to be in there with me. 

I can see that for me, carving out small niches of time for me to think about what is going on is essential.  Maybe more time for meditation and just taking the time to contemplate how grateful I am that my life has changed for the better and that I am now blessed with a family that is loving, supportive and cuddly. 

Bless the changes.  Be grateful for the changes.  This is what life is and it doesn’t get any better than this.  

What's New...What's Next?

Blink!  And life is different!  Blink again and everything changes.  Blink the third time, and what was familiar is now new; nothing looks the same, life is not only different, but it has taken on a new flavor, texture, smell and way of being.

In April, 2010, my husband, Bud, made his transition.  Since he had been sick for several months, I had expected and thought I knew how I was going to handle his death.  But nothing prepared me for the unexpected depth of grief, loneliness, and sense of insecurity.  My immediate family now consisted of two puppies and a sister living nearby.  Since Vicki was going through her own grief process, she was not capable of assisting me in anyway.  Earle, her husband, was busy comforting her and caring for her needs. 

Thank goodness for Rusty and Jackson, my two puppies.  Both felt the need for food, water and playtime and let me know at regular intervals what was next on the agenda for them.  All I wanted to do was stay in bed with the covers over my head.

My world shrunk into my house.  Having been in the public eye for as many years as I was, this time felt very strange to me.  For the longest time, there wasn’t anything I could do but reflect on my situation, think about what I needed to do to change my life, what I had to adjust to, and how I would have to do it alone.  Could I do it?  Did I have any choice in the matter?

Yes!  Choice is always available.  I decided it was time to make some new choices and one of them was that I would make room in my life for someone new, someone who wanted a committed relationship, and someone who would adore me. 

I met that someone one year and 14 days after my life changed from being married almost 31 years to being a widow.  I loved going from “widow” to “girlfriend” to being “serious” and then to "engaged."

Life can change very quickly.  Granted, while going through the experience, it seemed interminable.  Slowly, I started to dream again.  Slowly, I was able to live again.  Suddenly, I was dating.  It got serious.  Oh, My God!  Can I have sex with my clothes on?  Wait!  Who knew that life gets better as it goes on?  Who knew that sex is even more dynamic with a little “experience?”  Why didn’t someone tell me this?

What’s new?  What’s next in my life?  Signing papers on a new house, packing up the old house, planning a wedding, planning a honeymoon, dreaming of a new life with someone wonderful and blending a household of furbies.  What I find fascinating about this process, is that I did make room in my life for Alan, I just didn’t have room in my house for him.

Life truly is an adventure.  No matter how one feels…get up…dress up…and show up for life.  Every small event can be turned into a legendary experience.  I know!

Changes in Life

Life is very strange for me these days.  I am in the process of selling my house.  Everything has to be “clean and tidy” for the staged showings.  Everything is off the walls with the exception of one or two very generic pictures on each wall.  If you look into the oven, you will find a box of tissues, a cup of pens and my grocery list.  The closet is filled with the items that are usually displayed in the bathroom and on the countertops.

Not only that, but I hate living in “clean and tidy.”  Granted, living in a clean environment is wonderful but having to put everything away every day is the pits.  Now, where did I stash that remote control for the television?

I have had to ask the question, “Do I want to sell the house?” several times during the last days.  It motivates me to want to get the work done and load the puppies into the car for the time the perspective buyers are checking out the house. 

                  This morning, after loading up the dogs, getting what I needed out of the house, and driving away, I realized that I needed something else.  Instead of driving back home, I stopped at the local grocery store.  Knowing that I was only going to be there a short time, I wasn’t too worried about the dogs. 

                  When I came out of the store, the car, next to me had pulled in and the guy got out with three children crying at the same time.  I opened my door and heard my two dogs crying.  Glory Be!  I had a chance to be really grateful that I had dogs instead of children. 

                  There are times when all I really want to do is complain to anyone who will listen.  More and more, I am realizing that I don’t have that much to complain about.  Sure, things still irritate me but I find that all of that just makes for a more interesting life. 

                  I am grateful that my life is as interesting as it is and that the changes are what I have chosen to experience.  All of this is because I said “yes” to a new relationship, soon to be new marriage, soon to be living in a new house and soon to be in an extended family of furbies. 

                  It doesn’t get any better than this!