In April, 2010, my husband, Bud, made his transition. Since he had been sick for several months, I had expected and thought I knew how I was going to handle his death. But nothing prepared me for the unexpected depth of grief, loneliness, and sense of insecurity. My immediate family now consisted of two puppies and a sister living nearby. Since Vicki was going through her own grief process, she was not capable of assisting me in anyway. Earle, her husband, was busy comforting her and caring for her needs.
Thank goodness for Rusty and Jackson, my two puppies. Both felt the need for food, water and playtime and let me know at regular intervals what was next on the agenda for them. All I wanted to do was stay in bed with the covers over my head.
My world shrunk into my house. Having been in the public eye for as many years as I was, this time felt very strange to me. For the longest time, there wasn’t anything I could do but reflect on my situation, think about what I needed to do to change my life, what I had to adjust to, and how I would have to do it alone. Could I do it? Did I have any choice in the matter?
Yes! Choice is always available. I decided it was time to make some new choices and one of them was that I would make room in my life for someone new, someone who wanted a committed relationship, and someone who would adore me.
I met that someone one year and 14 days after my life changed from being married almost 31 years to being a widow. I loved going from “widow” to “girlfriend” to being “serious” and then to "engaged."
Life can change very quickly. Granted, while going through the experience, it seemed interminable. Slowly, I started to dream again. Slowly, I was able to live again. Suddenly, I was dating. It got serious. Oh, My God! Can I have sex with my clothes on? Wait! Who knew that life gets better as it goes on? Who knew that sex is even more dynamic with a little “experience?” Why didn’t someone tell me this?
What’s new? What’s next in my life? Signing papers on a new house, packing up the old house, planning a wedding, planning a honeymoon, dreaming of a new life with someone wonderful and blending a household of furbies. What I find fascinating about this process, is that I did make room in my life for Alan, I just didn’t have room in my house for him.
Life truly is an adventure. No matter how one feels…get up…dress up…and show up for life. Every small event can be turned into a legendary experience. I know!
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