Choices

Currently, I am reading a book called “You Are Your Choices,” by Alexandra Stoddard.  She quotes Albert Camus as saying, “Life is the sum of all your choices.”  This being the end of the year always causes me to think about the choices I made during the year that have brought me to this place at this time.

A year ago, the place I was in was sheer misery for me.  I was in the throws of still grieving for a husband that made his transition in April.  I was feeling the stress of not being able to handle all of the issues of being an active pulpit, spiritual leader.  And I was not feeling strong enough to stay with a spiritual practice to get through what it was that I was feeling.  It truly was being between a rock and a hard place. 

Deciding what and how life is to be is not an easy process.  At that time, all I knew was what I didn’t want.  Universal law states that that is equally as creative as knowing what it is that you want.  I knew I had to get out of that state very quickly as I didn’t want to create more misery than I already had. 

What did I want?  Choices.  Decisions.  What direction to go?  The first thing I did was to tender my resignation.  Second, I took the time to breathe.  During this time, I went through a period of pure terror.  Suddenly, I no longer felt secure in the house I was living in, couldn’t sleep through the night, and heard every noise in the neighborhood as if it was outside the house. 

It took a dental appointment to “wake” me up.  My dentist told me that I needed help and to call my primary care doctor immediately.  Wow!  Okay.  I got home and thought about it and decided that for years I taught people how to create a new life.  I could become my own student and figure this out.

Figure it out I did.  I sat down with pen and paper and decided how I wanted life to be.  I knew I wanted a committed, life companion.  I wanted to travel and explore the countryside.  I listed all of the things I ever wanted and decided with a vengeance, that I could create it all. 

Waking up one morning recently, I was feeling something totally different and I had to dig to figure out what it was that was going on.  Glory be!  I woke up happy and I didn’t know what it was at first. Happy!  Yahoo! 

So, most of my choices are now a reality for me and what this has taught me is that it is time to make some more really good choices for 2012.  The week between Christmas and New Year is a good time for me to do that.  I will consciously close 2011 and make room for something new and different in order to experience even more good – more of my good choices for 2012. 

Happy New Year.