Paradise Where?

Voltaire understood that "Paradise is where I am."  Wherever we go, we carry the universe within us, feeling deeply connected to everything.  Alexandra Stoddard

Often wondering what the Kingdom of God looked like to me, I realize now that I never thought "big" enough.  I would come up with one good idea and I never went beyond that thought.  I now ask, what was I thinking that I thought only one idea was enough?  Where in the world did I come up with that so-called truth in my life?  Or, who told me that and I accepted it at face value?

And it is hard for me to accept that living in Oklahoma is "Paradise" for me.  Granted, we have had lots of great opportunities living here and certainly have improved the quality of our lives, but "Oklahoma"?  

There is also an element of fear of being here - nature is loud, in your face, with lots of variety.  Two weeks ago, we had a storm shelter installed in our garage.  It is a hole dug through the concrete, with a steel box set into the hole, lined with more concrete round the edges, with a sliding door on top.  When the door is open, there are stairs leading down into it with not a lot of room.  But when the next tornados are circling, it will be a comfort to have a safe place to go.

But what to do about the earthquakes?  Earlier, this week, we had 4.5 that reminded me of the quakes we experienced while living in California.  No where to go, no where to hide, and nothing to do, but ride it out.  

I realize that my Paradise Kingdom is filled with variety and that the only way to feel connected and safe is to open that doorway and allow Infinite Presence to hold me close and keep me safe.  I also realize that Infinite Presence will also provide me with wonderful discoveries that surprise and delight me.  Thank you God for all.

Digging Deeper

Understand that the smallest act of kindness, be it a kind work, a smile, a light touch of affection of simply an energetic presence can greatly alter the course of someone's life and, in fact, the world.  The shift in energy that occurs at these times is far-reaching and quite powerful, and so it is quite important for you not to withhold your energy from kindness.  Frank Talk

The 16th of this month, I had reconstructive mouth surgery.  I needed a tooth pulled that had decayed under the gum line and in the process of looking that what else needed to be done, we decided on implants to assist what teeth I had left.  Today is the first day I even felt close to my normal self.  What was so painful for me is that the dentist peeled back my upper gum tissue, smoothed out the bone into one straight line (which he was extremely proud of yesterday after viewing my ex-ray) and then covered it all again with gum tissue.  

Needless to say, being in such pain precluded anything including kindness.  It took all I had to just be civil.  I would get up in the morning, rinse my mouth with some really vile tasting bacteria killer, take a heavy duty pain killer, head for my favorite recliner and was asleep again in minutes.  Opiates created some other problems for me but are too private to disclose.  

The "good" that has come out of this is that I have easily released 10 pounds to date and I am sure more to come as I need another surgery in about 6 to 8 weeks.  

During my check up yesterday, I wished I had brought my little Yorkshire Terrier with me to have him bite the dentist on the ankle.  It is hard to be kind to someone who induces this much pain.  I know, this was my choice, but I didn't want all of the pain to go with it.  

My compassion level has certainly increased for others who are in chronic pain all the time.  I don't know how they do it.  Delighted that I am off the high powered pain killers, off the antibiotics, and finished with the vile mouth rinse, I can get my life back to a more normal way of being.  I am ready for health.

This experience has given me a greater sense of my health and what it is to feel fully comfortable.  Thank you, God and all of the energies and powers that be, that have assisted me through the process.  

I invite you to take full stock of your body and truly appreciate what you have.  I am sorry for me that I have lost some of my teeth, but I truly appreciate the technology that has produced the processes for the replacement of them.  Thank you God for all of the elegant blessings in my life.

Grief

Grief happens to us in strange and interesting ways.  For whatever reasons, I am losing another tooth.  The fact is, I have been losing teeth since my early 20's.  Having had a large space between my two front teeth, a dentist decided that the best thing to do was to put me in braces to move the teeth closer together.  In the process of moving them too fast, both died.  Out they came.  Gradually, over the years, more and more have had to be removed. 

The one that I am losing next week, has put me into a funk that is clearly different for me.  I am having four implants put in and a new upper appliance will be built for me.  

Doing lots of reading to "comfort" me and to give me the courage to face what I need.  This one reads, "Each moment gives us a fresh breath of air, an opportunity to take to heart, to face reality, and bravely move on."  Not much comfort in that!

How long will it take to get through this dark place and space?  Nothing feels safe right now.  But I do feel as though I am doing my best to move forward under less than desirable circumstances.  My faith seems to have skipped a beat in all of this.

What I have been doing is a lot of praying for peace, calm, courage and feelings of well being.  Several times a day, I turn my concern over what has to be done, into the heart and hands of God.  Intellectually, I know that all will turn out well.  My stomach doesn't feel it at all.  

In the meantime, I will keep praying and I invite everyone who knows me well to join in the process of my complete healing in comfort, ease and grace.  Thanks for all.