House Rules

I have service people on my mind.  Getting ready to sell a house is the bottom of the most desirable things to do in life.  But here is my all time pet peeve – the fact that it just started in the last two weeks is immaterial.

What is it with guys?  I can see when they are in their own homes, they get to do whatever it is that they want, be as slovenly as they choose, and revert to the “caveman” status whenever their little minds and hearts get the pleasure urge.

But when in my house…my rules RULE.  Take the bathroom, for example.  Okay to use it but, please, put the lids down when finished.  BOTH lids.  If your hands are filthy, use the paper towels that are sitting next to the sink and not the towel hanging on the rod.  And, please, if you use the towel on the rod, fold it again in the way you found it.  If you have dripped dirty water in the sink, faucets, and surrounding area, clean it up.  Something else to think about: If you have the skill to write your name in the snow, can stand on a precipice and hit a rock at 3 or 400 feet below you while aiming into the river, you can certainly hit a toilet bowl at one foot!  Practice.  Bend your knees and hold onto yourself to make your aim true and do it without splashing.

Asking for water is okay.  Drinking water is okay.  WATCH where you are putting that glass down!  Is it too much to ask or to think that you know your way back to the sink in the kitchen?  Where did you get the water to drink in the first place?

When coming in from outside, wipe your dirty shoe bottoms on the mat provided for that purpose.  Little chunks of dirt clods on a clean carpet or tile is very gross looking.  If you are sweaty, smelly, or otherwise, in a working decrepit state of dress, DO NOT SIT OR LOUNGE on my sofa!  Fabrics pick up all of the smells that are on you and now I have to live with it.  There isn’t enough Fabreze in the world to get rid of the smells you leave behind.

If you are drilling, peeling, tearing, cutting or anything else that leaves a back trail, clean it up.  I know that little particles of plaster, paint, glue and other disgusting bits of surrounding material are reminiscent of your former life but if you love them so much, take them home with you.  Or, let me give you an operating lesson on the dust busters that are ubiquitous in most homes.  May I even be so forward as to suggest you carry one in your over stocked van that you use in your service calls.

Why are there still smokers in the world when everyone knows how harmful it is to health?  But those of you who still need that nicotine fix, please do not leave your butts in my driveway to accumulate in the cracks of the concrete.  Litter in your own front yard but leave mine as you have found it.

Mothers, if your children grow up to be service people, teach them the service etiquettes. Wives, do not allow your husbands to go to work in yesterday’s clothes.  Teach him how to use the washing machine if you don’t want to do the extra laundry.

Life, save me from having to deal with service and repair men.  It pays to find a “fix-it” man to live with so as not to have to deal with all of the issues that come with untrained behaviors.